Caregiver (A Day in the Life of an Azorius Arrester)
by Mertiya
Summary: Strange mushrooms, stubborn Guildpacts, and unauthorized corpses are all in a day's work for Lavinia. I really wish they had an entry for Lavinia under characters... Sequel to Enemy of the Guildpact.


**Caregiver**

**(A Day in the Life of an Azorius Arrester)**

6:00 am: Wake up. Brush teeth. Braid hair.

_Note: _Need new hairbrush. Previous one discarded after it was found being used to assault the Guildpact in an indecent fashion.

6:15 am: Breakfast in refectory.

6:45 am: Wake Guildpact. Tell him he needs to start going home to sleep. Consider inquiring as to whether he actually has another home.

6:50 am: Calm down Guildpact and reassure him that he is not going to be late.

7:00 am: Daily meeting between Guildpact and one of the guild leaders. Guard doorway.

_Note: _Request Zarek not make stupid faces at me, the justiciars under my command, or important guilded personnel.

7:15 am: Ensure Guildpact has not been kidnapped (again).

7:45 am: Collect papers from Clerk Cypriana.

_Note: _Request that she cease collecting suspect sketches of Zarek and sighing audibly over them, at least during working hours.

7:50 am: Sign anything requiring my signature.

8:00 am: Show out Guildpact's visitor.

_Note: _If they are audibly enraged or violent, ensure reinforcements are on hand with detention spheres.

**Addendum:**_In the event of Exava attempting to seduce the Living Guildpact, note that detention spheres will not be sufficient._

**_Further Addendum:_**_Dragomir's Cut-Rate Armory, despite the name, is an excellent resource for quick, cheap mending and polishing, especially when fire is involved in the destruction of armor, clothes, or weaponry._

8:30 am: Remove Zarek from the premises.

8:40 am: Collect Guildpact's signature on first documents of the day.

_Note: _Arrester Flavia tells me that breathing into a paper bag is good for the nerves. Try this on the Guildpact and possibly myself.

8:45 am: Bring the Guildpact breakfast. Ensure that he eats it.

_Note: _Request Zarek start wearing clothing if he is to attend breakfast. His bathrobe is not of regulation length.

9:00 am: Remove Zarek from the premises again and confiscate all potentially harmful items in his possession.

9:30 am: Coffee break.

_Note: _Before brewing coffee, make certain that the machine is uncontaminated. We don't want a repeat of last week's incident.

**Addendum:**_Get Vorel to submit a correctly-formatted report on the properties of Utvaran mushrooms._

9:40 am: Collect all recently submitted anonymous letters and take them to the incinerator clerk for processing.

9:45 am: Patrol streets. Keep an eye out for:

· Rakdos cultists without an approved festival license

· Zarek

· Wojeks without correct attire or unsigned/expired permits

· Zarek's experiments

· Unauthorized reanimated corpses

· Unauthorized inanimate corpses

12:00 pm: Lunch break.

_Note: _Despite the fact that it was brought to my attention by the Izzet mage, Pivliccino's does a very nice ham sandwich. Bear in mind that Zarek does tend to frequent it.

**Addendum:**_Write up a list of good insults_.

1:00 pm: Listen to plaintiffs. If complaints are sufficiently important and all paperwork is correctly filed, permit them to see the Guildpact.

_Note: _Request some painkillers from the infirmary. The Guildpact will only use them if they are left lying around in plain sight. Otherwise, he just protests that it's too much trouble.

3:00 pm: Collect afternoon papers from Clerk Cypriana.

3:05 pm: Knock on Guildpact's door.

3:06 pm: Enter Guildpact's room.

3:07 pm: Exit Guildpact's room after having seen entirely too much of Zarek.

3:08 pm: Take personal note on positioning and activities, for later private perusal.

3:30 pm: Remove Zarek from premises. Confiscate unauthorized equipment (including clothing if necessary.) Assure Guildpact that no apologies are necessary.

3:35 pm: Review paperwork. Check especially for

· Missing signature

· Missing filing report

· Unauthorized signature

· Illegible signature

· Zarek's signature

· Request for illegal substance without waiver

· Request for substance listed on Form 3829A or B, subsections i or iv, without proper authorization

**Addendum:**_Warn junior members to watch out for Zarek's requests. He does not, nor will he ever, have authorization to redecorate New Prahv._

6:00 pm: Dinner with Guildpact. Ensure that he actually eats it.

_Note: _Request that if Zarek must attend he at least attempt to wear clothing without chemical burns.

**Addendum:**_Zarek's presence, in addition to mine, seems to enhance the Guildpact's tendency to actually eat food, so I must recommend it, despite the personal sacrifice._

7:00 pm: Evening patrol, accompanying Guildpact.

_Note: _Attempts to dissuade him from exploring the city have been futile, so it is better to accept the inconvenience of a second patrol than allow him to wander unattended, especially in light of past incidents. Take special care near Rakdos territory.

**Addendum:**_Technically, there are no bylaws stating an arrester cannot hold hands with another person while on patrol, as long as her weapon is readily accessible. Submit legislation on the matter for consideration, or else Zarek will drag you into a nightly human chain._

9:00 pm: Collect evening papers from Clerk Cypriana.

9:10 pm: Obtain Guildpact's signature.

_Note: _The Guildpact is perfectly capable of signing forms while being distracted, as long as no vigorous motion is involved.

**Addendum:**_Do not bother knocking, as it will only encourage Zarek to make obscene noises. _

9:20 pm: Perform additional review of paperwork.

10:00 pm: Prepare Guildpact's nightly snack.

_Note: _Check on the legality of slipping a sedative into the Guildpact's milk. Despite the origin of the suggestion, it has some merit.

10:15 pm: Attempt to send the Guildpact to bed.

10:30 pm: Free time.

_Note: _Place request for replacement volumes 3-7 of _Neculai's Children's Tales_ to be sent to the library. Submit request for investigation into petty theft of library materials.

12:00 am: Actually send the Guildpact to bed.

_Note: _Tucking in the living embodiment of Ravnican law and order is optional, but recommended.

12:05 am: Go to bed.

{stricken out} My_ god, you're adorable. This is the most adorably uptight thing I've ever read._

_Reading the personal journal of an Azorius arrester is outlawed by Code 4, Section III of the Privacy Bylaws. Expect a court summons._

{stricken out} I_ like how you assumed I would read it again._

_I wasn't wrong._


End file.
